Him and Me

Owen is a big brother twice over and experiencing such new thoughts and feelings since Aron arrived. On the day of Aron’s birth I saw Owen’s confusion and frustration and I pitied him. As I labored, he waited and played happily in the playroom for a while but was constantly interested in the conversation and activity in the bedroom. He wanted to climb on me which you can imagine was not something I could tolerate as contractions were coming hard and fast. Kris set the boys up downstairs with a movie and they were completely distracted for a while. I started pushing right at lunch time which aunt Becky quickly provided for the boys as the movie was over at that same time. She told me later that my groans and yells were heard from the bedroom and both boys ate with anxious looks on their faces. Owen especially, was unhappy to wait in his chair and wanted to know what was going on. Thankfully, pushing the baby out only took 10 minutes and Owen ate faster than ever before. Kris took Aron downstairs to show them as soon as he could and then when things were a little more cleaned up in the bedroom the boys were allowed in to see mommy.

Owen’s first question to me was one of curiosity. I was sitting with my belly covered and he wanted to know if my belly had been broken. We haven’t talked in too much detail about how the baby would get out and he has been anxious for some time about what would happen to me. I reassured him that I am still in one piece and that all is well with me and the baby. His wheels were still turning and I watched him take the scene in with quiet concern. Finally, the baby was dressed and I was resting in my bed. The big brothers were allowed up to see the baby and give mommy hugs and kisses. Owen’s exuberance and self consciousness was more than he could contain and he began to bounce around on the bed a bit. Kris was quick to correct him and he settled down for a brief moment, but was back to bouncing in no time. This being too near tender mommy and tiny baby, Kris then ordered him off the bed. I knew this was not a small thing to Owen. I saw his face fall and his despair rise. All the worry he had carried over mommy and this change in the family was coming to the surface. He slowly melted to the foot of the bed and stood leaning against it looking at the rest of his family all seated cozily at the headboard with this new little member surrounded by his parents and doting middle brother…and he was not a part.
His tears came without sound and he looked at his daddy as if to say, “why don’t you want me here?” I saw it and felt it all and I felt horrible for him. He was wrong to bounce on the bed and he was wrong to disobey but I couldn’t stand to see this going on inside him. I quickly asked him to come sit on the other side of me where any activity on his part wouldn’t hurt the baby and held him close to my side explaining to him how the first day that we got to hold him we sat just like this with him wrapped in a blanket right between daddy and I and we held him and looked at him all day long. He recovered quickly and found a way to be still. He wanted to hold the baby and asks now and then to do so but is still the more disinterested of the two brothers.

He is a great helper as he promised he would be and runs to get things for me whenever asked. He plays a little more aggressively of late and seems to stand taller and know more than ever before. He is a big brother to two little guys now and seems to take on the posture of authority with his new role. He certainly needs reigning in often, but I am also very proud of him and his attitude the past week. He is a wonderful big brother.

One thought on “Him and Me”

  1. That is the most difficult feeling- to see the child you know best *struggle* with the family changes. There is a great urge to protect and nurture their hearts, and the inability to alter the situation. I remember bursting into tears on a few occasions (hormones probably didn’t help!) over Grant or Dean’s struggles to adapt. And with each child, there are more existing children to hand over to the Lord for comforting when the latest son or daughter joins the home. But, a new normal is established, and you look back at a certain point (hopefully not too far from now) when you can’t recall that life was truly any other way. And it is good.

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